Abusive Anger
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Abusive anger often flows from a determination to have one's own way. We see this quite often in marriages, where a self-centered spouse is fixated on how they've "not been heard, understood, or properly treated."

Often, they harangue their spouse, trying to get their point across and establish their case. They debate their claim, not only with verbal effort, but also with emotional pressure, and sometimes even physical force.

They believe that getting their point across will make things right--that once they are heard, things will work the way they should.

But Scripture says:

This you know, my brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve [work out] the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20 NASV).

In other words, man's anger does not make things right. It is not the source from which righteousness results. Rather, anger dumps pain, confusion, and destruction into one's relationships and affairs.

The best remedy for the angry, abusive spouse is to stop pressing his case and to start listening. For that is the posture of humility that God can target for maximum grace. Such a change of posture frees the person to hear not only God, but also the people around them who have born the brunt of their anger.

Admittedly, making such a change may be difficult, but it is God's counsel and way. Sometimes, it takes outside help for the angry spouse to see what they are doing and to repent.

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